SHUT THE F UP.

Hello:)

This is for you, the only person to probably ever google chat me and hold convos through email and google docs and being totally non-conformist with me on msn (even if you already have one, it doesn’t count I don’t care). And being there to scream back at me in panic attacks and moaning about training with me and being the best at cutting tension ever.

K I am now officially tired of running text. This will be a list so you can print it out and stick it on the wall because you should.

Thanks for:
1. Being weird. So I can have a person to be weird with.
2. Being the other champion groaner with me.
3. Secretly sniggering at the meanest things with me, just because we can.
4. Doing whatever freaky things you do on the internet and telling me cos I secretly really like it
5. Being (sometimes) the most extreme of sensible and critical because it is awesome (sometimes)
6. Being honest, because you suck at trying to be mean, so I win:)
7. Introducing me to knitting
8. Helping me come out of the closet with my chick flick addiction
9. Going along with the craziest ideas (*cough* raildrainwalk*cough*)
10. Being bully-able when you are apologetic
11. Being supportive (I know you love me)
12. Being the one of the few people I look forward to going to school to see
13. Being you
14.

So, Chang Munbun.

And as much as I hate bimbo speak and internet mumbo I’ll break both taboos for you:

ILY, TTM <3

(PS: And happy birthday, just cause I couldn’t wait.)

 

Ass

Realised today that the number of times you name-check people off your public forum access to the wider world is seriously indicative of your social conditioning.

Heh. Just look at mine.

And now just to pass on the crown of absolute dorkification, Mun and me have decided that google documents is now the newest msn. Yeah. And so my journey (BECAUSE MY SCREEN IS STILL PURPLISH-BLACK AND MY KEYBOARD SPEWS SLASHES AND DANGEROUS HYPERLINKS) to msn will be in forever. Sorry Kym

OH PS GOOGLE SUCKS WHAT HELL OF WEBSITES DO THINGS LIKE LIST THEIR COMPANY NAME UNDER MISSPELT WORDS?

Google, that’s what.

Rats.

This is a conclusion of sporadic randomness. If you don’t like sporadic randomness or purple dancing elephants, go away. And for the record, I don’t like you either.

Hmph.

Yeah.

So seeing as I am a perfectly orderly person, we’ll do this is a numerical order.

1. Being at the Cantata-church choir-hymn-singsingsing thing at Clar’s church with Faith made me realise I have this disturbing penchant for little boys. Mostly little boys that look like they’re under eight. I don’t know exactly why, but yes. The kid’s choir had this little baby worm in front that kept doing cute things like rubbing his hair sheepishly at sporadic moments (which, is probably the best pickup trick you can ever learn if you have even te smallest iota of cuteness in you- which you do not; and not the wink thing which looks like your eye is falling out, so learn, Zach, LEARN.) and it made me fall in love instantly. I think I wanted to go up there and just squish him half to death.

I am not paedophiling. Am not. Did not. Nooo.

But it bugged me, so I kept thinking.

And I thought I was going to grow up and grow old and become this old spinster aunt that wanted to hold everybody’s kids and would coo and obsess and generally scare the children  till nobody would want her to hold their kids. Not nice.

2. I hate losing. I mean, not generally, like hating to lose all the time and being a sore loser. Its doing a certain thing for the longest ass time and not getting anywhere. Its like Internet Reversi. Where they pair me up with distant geeks like “Portuguese, Beginner” or “Korean, Beginner” where you wonder if the computer is just being smug and using names or if these weird geek people are actually like staying up till 4am in their country and using a pseudonym to attack poor  bad players like me who just need someone to lose to them.  AND I  ALWAYS LOSE  IN UNDER FIVE MINUTES. AND I’M ALWAYS WHITE.

Its so bloody annoying.

3. I have discovered that I am incredibly easily swayed by opinion. Like I will want something and covet it for months and months and months and then someone will go, oh, it sucks, it broke on me; and I will not want it anymore. Hell, it works better in reverse. Which might explain why I am so broke right now:(

4. I have hit gold. After six months of frantic searching, I hold it now.

RHYDIAN – RHYDIAN.

If you don’t get it, go away and never come back.

No I don’t mean that because the only one to get it will be Cheryl. (I FINALLY HAVE IT, CHERYL! I HAVE IT!)

I am so happy.

5. I like watching road rage. Like nobody in my family gets super “RRRH!” on the road, but its still funny. My dad says “silly bugger!” when he gets really upset, and when I was ten or so I thought it was another word for bug, so I used it. Then my friend’s dad told me it was what gay men did to each other and I shut up and never said it again. I think I was rather homophobic when I was younger. Not anymore,  I think.

6. And lastly, because I am long-winded and boring, I will tell you about my dreams. I’ve been having the most niggling dream about my cousins and coaches. Like I keep dreaming my cousin brings A**** to a family dinner then she sits across the table and has a heated discussion about sex trade with a disembodied voice then she feeds him off a fork. Uh, eeeeeh. Cold shivers much. Then the next day his younger brother brings Danitza home for lunch. (BTW their ages match 20-20, 17-17. Maybe that’s why)

But geez.

Okay done messing with your day.

Timmex

I desperately crave the ability to motivate myself.

To get the hell off my lazy ass and do something (like mugging, hint self)
I also desperately crave the will to kick addictions.

I crave too much.

HOT DAMN I’M HUNGRY.

Laughyam Bluffyam

Sometimes there are days when you just need a laugh.

This is one. (Bloody oral)

(Kudos to Sam)

Sorry I’m going on a video binge. They’re fun. (And addictive)

Because everyone deserves to have this in their lives.

Pure love.

Momentum

This is for the few people in the world I can say I have ever been seriously proud of.

GAHs, .

Yes. It was all so incredible, from a lousy amateur team being positively petrified over our first spar; to the horror of quads and the meaning of poor when it comes to fertility assistance (“does poor mean poor in sperm?”), and OMG *INSERT SWEAR WORD* WE HAVE HWACH FOR INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS; to being nearly late for the AC spar and being not (overlook grammar here) because Mun has such a screwed perception of time; prepping on floors; finding out Legally Blonde was like our morphine in prep (CAUSE, LIKE HELLO, PETS ARE PEOPLE TOO); feeling so chuffed for the first time for making the coaches proud; panicking about research and borrowing almost all of the library’s medical ethics shelf;

BREATHE

drawing motions for our first round and being positively unhigh; pulling NY for second AND CRAP I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ISA; getting sleepy adjudicators; laughing at robots; bitching about certain people and their bitchy styles; totally ruining SCGS’ image by skipping all over half of the campus and “WHEN YOU’RE STUCK IN DETENTION FOR A *pause* LONG TIME, YOU GONNA SPILL”; fighting on the MG LT floor (ooh); cheering embarrassingly for Kristi the chief adjudicator; team dinner at Wishbone (imcomplete without Alisha)

And, so, so much more. Like the “SHUT THE ____ UP!” scream at the band from a classroom on the third floor prepping for India. I WONDER WHO. HMMM.

But even though we didn’t win, even though none of us made it into top 10, I just want to tell all of you that you’ve been really cool. We’ve improved so much over a really short period of time, and you guys will be the best memory of the first official competition together.

Babes, sometimes it isn’t winning. Sometimes it just is prepping the wrong motion for an hour and writing a totally different case in five minutes and losing by only one mark. Sometimes, being the most awesome just means us.

So yeah. I am proud of every one of you. We GAH!

Um.

I wonder how someone strains their intercostal muscles.

Um. However the hell you do it,  its bloody annoying. Like a vise around your ribs and you can’t breathe or laugh or exercise properly. Its no shit when you laugh and then go “HAHAHA-owowdamnow-HAHAHA-ow!”

NOT FUNNY CAN.

Lemon tree

I really have better things to do like sleep and knit but sometimes life gives you a lemon, so I’m gonna grow this lemon tree for you.

Oh fine. Bad pun.

But here!

And please, please, WARNING: POTENTIALLY OFFENDING AND VULGAR, DO NOT READ IF REFERENCES TO STUPID AND OFFENSIVE BEHAVIOUR AND CONTRACEPTIVES OFFEND YOU.

That was a reasonably wrong sentence, but I’m going to shut up now.

16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART (Or NTUC. Or Cold Storage. Whatever shakes your boat.)

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they aren’t looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
” ‘Code 3′ in housewares”… and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.

6. Move a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
“Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti – depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna look” using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say “PICK ME!” “PICK ME!”

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
“NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!”

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting “Pikachu, I choose you!”

HA:)

And, no, Tatalie, I did not write that. It just happened to be an impossibly funny chain mail.

SO DID YOU LIKE MY TREE?

Don’t you ever want to just sit on a hill and watch the clouds float by wondering whether the world was just a silly little fluke in a big world of mistakes and that you could just tear a hole in the blue, blue sky and reach for the universe beyond and tear out chunks of the black cotton-candy it really is?

GRAH NO I AM NOT STRANGE MY FEVER HAS BURNED MY BRAIN.

But its really so funny cause right when you feel mature enough and big enough to take on the world you realise your perspective is just one that has undergone premature aging and like all unnatural processes, you got burn marks.

PSHEEW-BANGBANGBANGBANG.